In part 3 of the eHarmony program, you get to send a list of about a dozen things that you can;t stand in a match and a list of about a dozen things that they must be.  For example, you “can;t stand” someone who has poor personal hygiene but you “must have” someone who is polite.

Again, as with the five questions, these too are subjective. Does a person with poor personal hygiene know that they have poor personal hygiene?  And does a rude person perceive themselves as rude?  These are questions that can’t really be answered until you actually get to know the person.

So, at best, these questions only help you to think about what you are looking for in a person.  Once you meet the person, you can determine whether or not they meet your standards.

The next part of eHarmony involves 55 multiple choice questions. You get to pick 5 and send them on to the perspective match to answer.  And while some of them are worth while, most are not.

Here are the questions that I always get asked:  Q. Romantic night out?  A. Candle lite restaurant. Q. Vacation location?  A. Cottage on the shore.  Q. Home alone activity?  A. Reading.  Q.  Night out activity?  A. The movies. Q. An adventurous activity?  A. White water rafting.

Of course, some of the questions are pointless such as “how often do I get mad” and “how clean of a house do I have.”  I say that these questions are meaningless because they are strictly subjective.  Define “mad” and “clean”.  Even if someone gets mad several times an hour, they will say that they seldom get mad.  And, every house will be spotless regardless of the filth.  So, I avoid asking these questions.

55 questions, yet I always get asked the same 5.  Interesting but I am not sure of their value.

For those who have never done eHarmony, here is how it works:

First you fill out the 250+questions about your self, which others do not get to see.  (meyer briggs)  Then, you fill out the personal profile which covers the things about you; the things that you like and the thing that you can’t stand.

Then you are asked what is the most important person in your life?  Followed by the three thing that you are most thankful for in your life.  After that, you are asked to list the 5 things that you can’t live without.  And then, books, movies etc.

While it may seem straight forward, it doesn’t work that way.  Most can’t seem to limit it to one person.  So, they include Mother Teresa, Gandhi, all of the living president and some of the dead ones.

And, the 5 things that they can’t live without are chocolate, diet Coke, coffee, cell phones and Email.  Well OK, nothing shallow here!

There is a single woman that I know.  She is in her early 40s and is always glad to see me.  She gives me big hugs and kisses and seems genuinely concerned about my well being.  So, what’s the problem?   She has been married and divorced at least 5 times!!!

It seems to be a 5 year cycle.  First, there is the one year of dating, followed by the one year of wedded bliss, followed by the one year of hatred followed by the one year of divorce followed by the one year of recovery  She is presently in the recovery phase looking to move into the dating phase.

Now, while she is very attractive and charming, there must be something wrong with her if she has been married and divorced that many times.  Either she is a poor choice of men or she has some underlying problem.  Either way, the warning bells go off in my head every time that I see her.  I certainly don’t want to be number 6.

So, I will pass on this woman.

When you are newly single, you start to think about all of the single women that you know.  And, I know quite a few.  In fact, I quickly made a list of about 3 dozen single women.  Maybe one of these would make a good wife.

But, after the list came the evaluation.  Has she ever been married?  And if so, how many times.  Does she have 20 cats?  Does she only eat uncooked vegetables?  Is she interested in a relationship?

Well, the questions are endless as are the answers.  But more to the point, I eliminated all but 6 from my list..  Well, at least it is a start.

Yes!!!

After the hurrah’s came the reality.  That is to say that up until my wife’s passing and even a few days afterwards, the house was full of food and friends and family.  But, within a few short days, family and friends returned home and the food was reduced to an assortment of empty foil pans.  Now was the time for reality…..the loneliness of an empty house after 37 years!

While I was madly in love with my wife, she was gone and I was alone.  And while my 37 years of marriage had its ups and downs, it was very good and a very positive part of my life.  And I missed that.

So, I needed to find a new mate.  And while I knew that I could never replace my late wife, I needed a wife none the less.  I need someone to be not only my wife, I needed someone to be my lover and my best friend.  Sigh!  I had my work laid out for me.

Well, here I am, 60 and dating!  When I got married 38 years ago, I never  thought that I would be dating again.  In fact, I haven’t looked for a bride in almost 40 years.  But, cancer has no regard for race, religion or gender.  So, here I am, a widower at age 60 and trying to figure out how to date again.

It is my intent, with this blog, to discuss my thoughts, feelings, observations and experiences in dating at age 60.  I hope to blog at least weekly but not daily unless I have a wealth of material and time. Daily blogs are just too demanding.

So, this is my first post for my new site.  I hope that you find my blog both humorous and helpful.

Ned Swift.