Whenever I meet a single woman, I have to ask myself  “why she is single?”

Some women that I know have never been married.  They simply are not interested in a commitment like marriage.  So, I guess that they would not be interested in marrying me.  Enough said.

Others are widows.  Widows are nice because their marriage ended do to no fault of their own.  Of course, if their spouse died in his sleep from mysterious causes, that would be a different matter.  But generally, widows, who are still interested in a spouse, are good choices.  After all, they did make their marriage work.

Divorced women are a crap shoot as the reason for the divorce varies vastly.  For some women, their husbands were just not committed to the relationship and left them for another woman.  For others, the woman ran off with another man only to realize their mistake.  And then there are the money issues which are ever looming.  How much debt does she have?  Dare I ask?  Did she, does she have a drinking problem?

Well, the list of possibilities is endless.  But, in the end, you have to decide who is the “Vic” and who is the “Perp” and most of the time, that is not entirely possible.

When you are newly single, you start to think about all of the single women that you know.  And, I know quite a few.  In fact, I quickly made a list of about 3 dozen single women.  Maybe one of these would make a good wife.

But, after the list came the evaluation.  Has she ever been married?  And if so, how many times.  Does she have 20 cats?  Does she only eat uncooked vegetables?  Is she interested in a relationship?

Well, the questions are endless as are the answers.  But more to the point, I eliminated all but 6 from my list..  Well, at least it is a start.

So, if you have found that special someone and the two of you seem to hit it off, the next step is marriage.  Or maybe not.  Or as one woman put it, “why should I give someone half of what I have earned?”  Why indeed!

This is a difficult question.  And, the answer is not the same for each relationship.

In some relationships, both couples are looking for marriage.  And this works.  In other relationships, both couple are looking to remain independent.  And that too works.

The problem arises when one member of the couple wants to marry but the other doesn’t. This is a loose loose situation since neither member of the relationship will be satisfied.

So, do you cut your losses and move on or do you try to work it out?  That is the question.

One thing that I have noticed is that women want to hang on to their own houses.  Now, I can understand the need for the security of their own homes.  But, so far, I haven’t found anyone interested in giving up their own house to live in mine.

So far, this hasn’t been an issue but at some point in time, the decision will have to be made.

Relationships are never perfect.  And that is a given.   But, when you run into flaws, do you try to fix them or do you just cut your losses and move on?

Of course, cutting your losses and moving on is the easiest but not always the best.  After all, the issues that you had from a previous relationship are the same issues that you may or may not bring into a new relationship.  And, those issues need to be addressed.

So, if you are sure that you are not at fault in any way, then, do you’re own thing.  But, if not, then ask your self how you can be better.

The natural human tendency is to ask “what do I get out of the relationship?  Can she cook?  Does she have a good job?”  Etc.

But more to the point, you need to ask what you bring to the relationship.  Can you cook?  Do you have a good job?  Are you handy?

Besides being a good companion, you need to bring something to the relationship.  You need to fill a void that she has.  If you can’t, then you are not needed.

FWIW

When looking for a new mate, it seems that we always look for some one who is like us.  We want someone with similar interests and similar views.  We want someone who likes the same things that we like and dislikes the same things that we dislike.  In short, a best friend.

But, as the old saying goes, opposites attract.  Or more to the point, if you both are identical, then one of you is not needed.  Each of you needs to bring something unique to the relationship.

For example, you both may be used to managing the house hold budget, but as a couple, only one of you can do it.  If you both try to do it, there will be conflict. So, in this area, one of you is not needed.

What this is getting at is that you both need to bring something unique to the relationship.  If you can’t, then you are not needed.

In the past year, I have been matched up with numerous school teachers.  And, while I am not opposed to dating school teachers, there is one major problem; school teachers can not easily relocate.

The economy is such that teaching jobs are hard to get, so, if she has a job, she really need to hang on to it or retire. So, unless she works in your area, your options are really limited; she can either retire and move in with you or you can retire and move in with her.

Making plans is something that happens in all relationships.  After all, you can’t just show up at the door unannounced and expect to go out for the evening.  You have to  make plans even if it is only a few hours in advance.  But, the question becomes just how far in advance do you dare to plan?

One woman, that I was dating, wanted me to go with her to a Christmas concert at her sons college in another state.  Since the concerts was only six weeks away, I rearranged my own schedule so that I would be free that weekend.  Well, I never saw the concert or that woman again.

Now, while  I understand that relationships can change very quickly, I didn’t realize that they could literally change over night.  Caveat emptor.