All of the social and dating websites have a place to post pictures.  And you are encouraged to post at least one photo of your self so that people know what you look like.  In fact, if you don’t post a photo of your self on your dating website you probably won’t attract anyone.

Now, while you may not be a fashion model, it is still better to post a picture of your self and let prospective dates decide for themselves than to not post one.  I can honestly say that I have never rejected a potential date because she was ugly.  But, I have rejected prospective dates because they did not post a picture.  Let’s face it, dating web sites are impersonal enough as is, so photos help to make them a little more personal.

Whenever you meet a woman for the first time, you will be classified as either a friend or a potential lover.  And, even though this classification may take a while to determine, it will take place none the less.

If you get classified as a friend, you will remain a friend and will never become a lover.

But, if you get classified as a potential lover, you will retain that status until you do become a lover.  Once you become a lover, the relationship will either go forward until it reaches fulfillment or until it burns out. And, once it burns out, it is over.

Remember, affairs never happen between a woman and her male friends.  Affairs only happen between a woman and her potential lovers.  So, for your own well being, it is vital to determine how the woman has classified you as soon as possible.  If it is a friend, then you have a safe relationship.  If a lover, well, be careful or you could end up with a situation that you hadn’t expected.

All of the dating web site require you to have a login name.  This name is used in all communications between the site and any prospective match.  And, sometimes a login name can give you a lot of insight into the person using it.

For example, when I see logins like “ihatemen” or “menareworthless”  I am thinking that this is a person with an attitude.  Now, while such names might be funny to some women and their girlfriends, they are not funny to men.  And, unless I am mistaken, the whole purpose of being on these sites is to attract men, not make sport of them.

Maybe that is why they are still single in the first place.

Well, after a few months of doing the online dating thing, I managed to find a woman who was interested in meeting me.  Great!  So, we arranged to meet at a restaurant.

When she arrived, I noticed that she seemed a little under-dressed. Well OK, frumpy.  But, I assumed that she was being modest.  Nothing wrong with that.

Since there was a wait at the restaurant, they seated us in the bar until a table became available.  No problem.  We each ordered a drink and began to chat.  It was after she got started on her second drink that she told me that she left her husband after 25 years for another woman.  And, that after 5 years, she realized that she had made a mistake and really wanted a heterosexual relationship.  Well, OK I guess.

So, now I am spending the rest of the evening wondering if she has really made the transition back or if she is only pretending in order to please her family and friends.

I never went out with her again.  She dumped me.  I guess I asked too many personal questions like”could you sleep with me?’

First date bummers.  Next time I will have to ask up front.

The other evening, I went out with a woman who listed herself as a “non-drinker” on her dating profile.  Now, whenever I see someone who lists themselves as “non-drinking”  I think that either they are very religious or they are “recovering”.  Well, as it turns out, my date was “recovering”.

Now, I figured that sooner or later, I would run into someone who was recovering, but I just didn’t think that it would be this soon.  But, God had other ideas.

This  woman is highly educated and comes from an affluent family.  But, between alcohol and a lot of bad decisions, she has basically screwed up the last 20 years of her life. .

She has been in AA for over a year now and is trying to turn her life around.  But, when the men that she dates hear about her past and present situation, they leave as quickly as they can.

So, what do I say?  One part of me says that there is no future in this relationship and yet, another part of me says that I need to give her a break.  And if I take her as my partner, what can I expect from the future?  Will she fall off the “wagon?” And if so, how do I handle it?

I am going to have to do a whole lot of soul searching on this one.  I guess this is what life as a Christian is about.

While the three stages of love are intended to be consecutive, they can also occur concurrently. When this happens, the individual can be attracted to one person, have an affair with another and be bonded to a third.

Now, the concurrent relationship works very well in areas where polygamy is both practiced and accepted.  Sister Wives is a prime example.  But, it is a disaster in most other social settings.

Unfortunately, you do not have any control over the “chemistry” stage.  But you do have control of the “erotic” stage.  Or, to put it another way, you may have chemistry with someone but you have the choice as to whether or not you act on it.

The bonding process affects everyone differently.  Some people bond quickly while others do not.  So it is possible that one half of the couple is ready for a long term relationship while the other is not. When this happens, you  might answer your door one Saturday morning only to find last nights partner with all of her belongings ready to move in.  And, let’s not forget headlines where the jilted partner shoots their X.

The bonding chemicals can be very intense for some people. So casual sex might not be the best thing in the world to do.

The third stage, as described in the book entitled “Why We Love” is called the “bonding” stage.  When couples are engaged in the Erotic stage, their brains produce a chemical that makes them “bond” to their mate.  And, this chemical stays in their systems long after the erotic acts have taken place.  Plus, the more sexually active that you are as a couple, the more bonding chemical is produced in your brain.  And so the circle starts.  The more sexually active you are, the closer that you are to your mate. And the closer that you are to your mate, the more sexually active you are.  And so, this spins on into “happily ever after.”

The second stage, as described in the book entitled “Why We Love” is called the “erotic”stage.  And, it is just that.  In this phase, the couples physically unite and become sexual activity.  And, by doing so, they not only are engaged physically, they are also engaged mentally and emotionally.  In short, they are mating.

When I first started dating again, I noticed that I was really attracted to some women but not to others.  And while they were equal in looks and personality, there was something about them that was different.

According to the book entitled “Why We Love” that difference is chemistry.  Or more to the point, I was attracted to the women that I had chemistry with and not to the others.

Chemistry is very real and is a part of the natural selection process.  Mother Nature has programmed us to seek out a mate who is genetically compatible.  And, through our body chemistry and that of potential mates, we are able to determine who is and who isn’t a potential mate.

And, just because a person is married, this does not relegate them from the attention of other compatible mates.  And if the chemical link is strong enough, they could become clandestine lovers.

Chemistry is very real so beware.