Some women have fufu dogs.  And, if you are lucky, the woman will post a picture of herself holding her fufu dogs before you actually meet her.  That way, you will know what to expect when you meet her.

Now, she will tell you that her dogs are very well mannered.  But, apparently the dogs don’t know that.   As soon as you walk in the door, the fufus will be jumping on you.  And all of the time the woman will be telling them to “get down”.  But, in spite of the woman’s best admonitions, the little fufus will continue with their behavior.  So, you will be forced to react.

Your first tendency will be to kick at the vermin but that would look really really bad.  So, your only viable option is to “adore” them.  That’s right, reach down to them and pet them!  And, remember, she is watching your every move.

So, if you are really interested in this woman, just remember her fufus will always come first.  But, if you are not really interested in this woman, give the vermin a kick and be on your way.

Some women post photos of themselves on eHarmony wearing sunglasses.  While sunglasses are nice in certain settings, they do block the facial view of the person.  And, if this is the only photo that is posted, people can not tell what you really look like.  So, unless you are blind, ditch the sunglasses.

I have discovered that smoking really grosses me out.  And, women, who claim that they smoke part time, are really smokers.

I have been around smokers for many years but have never kissed one on the mouth until recently.  Yuck!

And, if kissing wasn’t bad enough, she stuck her tongue in my mouth.  I thought that I was going to be sick.

Now the trick is trying to be polite even though you want to toss your cookies. While you  don’t want to offend them, even though they are offending you, you do want them to remove their tongue from your mouth.  The easiest way to accomplish this is to go for the neck.

The neck is much more exciting than the tongue.  And, it taste much better than the mouth.  Plus, it refocuses their attention away from the mouth.

But, better yet, I will just not date smokers.

One of my Match.com matches seemed interesting and we had a lot in common, so I sent her my profile and an email.  She thanked me for the inquiry but told me that she goes to a Methodist church and didn’t think that we would be compatible because I go to a nondenominational church.

Well, OK.

Some women make a point of mentioning their “cottage” on their dating profile.  I guess they think that I will be impressed.  But, I really do like knowing about their cottages.  At least I will how many houses I will be expected to maintain if I should get involved with this woman.

From time to time, women will post a picture of them selves next to their classic car.  I guess they think that men like classic cars and will share their interest.

While I love classic cars, I am not sure that I want a wife who has one.  When I see a photo of her car, I have to assume that she is in love with the car.  And, I will be expected to maintain that old car even though parts are scarce.  Plus, I will be expected to attend weekend car events with her.  And when winter comes, the car will need to be winterized and be the third car in a two car garage.

So, I am not likely to date a woman just because she has a classic car.  But, I might date a woman in spite of her classic car.

I saw a dating profile the other day from a woman who had horses.  It looked like she might be boarding them by the appearance of the barn behind her. So, I thought, if the horses are boarded, then she might not be so consumed with them.  But, I was wrong.

Under “free time activities” she had listed “grooming horses, cleaning out stalls, feeding horses, get the picture?”.  Well, yes I did get the picture.  Her life would always be centered around her horses.

She seemed nice enough, but, since I am not interested in giving my life to horses, I will pass.

It is hard to find single women in West Michigan who are Christians.  And part of the problem is the fact that they are Christians.

Most Christian women have Christian husbands.  And because they are Christian, they are both committed to making their marriages work.

But, not every relationship works and divorce does happen.  So, for these Christian women, divorce is a stigma that they can’t over come.  And, having failed in their first marriage, they refuse to try again.  After all, they have already brought shame on their family and themselves by failing in their first marriage.  So, to remarry only adds insult to injury.  Therefore, these women just resign themselves to being single.

Of course, the upshot of all of this is that there are very few West Michigan Christian women on the dating sites.

While dating, I have discovered that some women classify them selves as liberal Catholics.  And, some women classify themselves as liberal protestants.  But, in talking with the two, I can’t really tell the difference.  They may start out as a protestant or a Catholic, but ultimately, they end up as a liberal.

One of the eHarmony profile questions asks you to name the 5 things that you can’t live without.  Now, I figured that most women would say things like “family” “friends” “freedom” etc.  But, to my surprise it was “chocolate, coffee, diet coke, hair dryers and cell phones.

Well OK.  So much for family and friends.