So, if you have found that special someone and the two of you seem to hit it off, the next step is marriage.  Or maybe not.  Or as one woman put it, “why should I give someone half of what I have earned?”  Why indeed!

This is a difficult question.  And, the answer is not the same for each relationship.

In some relationships, both couples are looking for marriage.  And this works.  In other relationships, both couple are looking to remain independent.  And that too works.

The problem arises when one member of the couple wants to marry but the other doesn’t. This is a loose loose situation since neither member of the relationship will be satisfied.

So, do you cut your losses and move on or do you try to work it out?  That is the question.

One thing that I have noticed is that women want to hang on to their own houses.  Now, I can understand the need for the security of their own homes.  But, so far, I haven’t found anyone interested in giving up their own house to live in mine.

So far, this hasn’t been an issue but at some point in time, the decision will have to be made.

Relationships are never perfect.  And that is a given.   But, when you run into flaws, do you try to fix them or do you just cut your losses and move on?

Of course, cutting your losses and moving on is the easiest but not always the best.  After all, the issues that you had from a previous relationship are the same issues that you may or may not bring into a new relationship.  And, those issues need to be addressed.

So, if you are sure that you are not at fault in any way, then, do you’re own thing.  But, if not, then ask your self how you can be better.

The natural human tendency is to ask “what do I get out of the relationship?  Can she cook?  Does she have a good job?”  Etc.

But more to the point, you need to ask what you bring to the relationship.  Can you cook?  Do you have a good job?  Are you handy?

Besides being a good companion, you need to bring something to the relationship.  You need to fill a void that she has.  If you can’t, then you are not needed.

FWIW

When looking for a new mate, it seems that we always look for some one who is like us.  We want someone with similar interests and similar views.  We want someone who likes the same things that we like and dislikes the same things that we dislike.  In short, a best friend.

But, as the old saying goes, opposites attract.  Or more to the point, if you both are identical, then one of you is not needed.  Each of you needs to bring something unique to the relationship.

For example, you both may be used to managing the house hold budget, but as a couple, only one of you can do it.  If you both try to do it, there will be conflict. So, in this area, one of you is not needed.

What this is getting at is that you both need to bring something unique to the relationship.  If you can’t, then you are not needed.

In the past year, I have been matched up with numerous school teachers.  And, while I am not opposed to dating school teachers, there is one major problem; school teachers can not easily relocate.

The economy is such that teaching jobs are hard to get, so, if she has a job, she really need to hang on to it or retire. So, unless she works in your area, your options are really limited; she can either retire and move in with you or you can retire and move in with her.

Making plans is something that happens in all relationships.  After all, you can’t just show up at the door unannounced and expect to go out for the evening.  You have to  make plans even if it is only a few hours in advance.  But, the question becomes just how far in advance do you dare to plan?

One woman, that I was dating, wanted me to go with her to a Christmas concert at her sons college in another state.  Since the concerts was only six weeks away, I rearranged my own schedule so that I would be free that weekend.  Well, I never saw the concert or that woman again.

Now, while  I understand that relationships can change very quickly, I didn’t realize that they could literally change over night.  Caveat emptor.

When the relationship that you are in is new and not yet stable, it is hard to make any long term plans.  Yet, you still need to make plans.  So, the question becomes, just how far out do you dare to plan?

For instance, tickets to a minor league baseball game can usually be purchased at the gate.  If you and your date show up at the gate together, there is a good chance that she will still be with you at the end of the game.  So, these tickets have a low risk factor.

But, tickets to a major music event usually need to be purchased a few months in advance.  And, a lot can happen in a couple of months.  And, there is no guarantee that the woman you are dating today will still be around in 2 months when the event actually takes place.  So, buying these tickets has a high risk factor.

And while I am not saying that you shouldn’t buy the concert tickets, just be aware that you may be selling them to someone else.

The first time that I got into a serious relationship, it was with an old college acquaintance.  We really seemed to hit it off and I thought that we were a match.  So, I started introducing her to members of my family.  But, the relationship was not stable and, after a few months, she moved on.

Now, not only was I confused and hurt, so were the members of my family.  They had started to bond with this woman only to have her disappear from our lives.

So, in fairness to friends and family, I don’t introduce my girl friends until I am sure that they are going to be around for a few months.

Sorry, this is what my life has become.

When ever I start a new relationship, I have to wonder when I should introduce her to my family and friends.  While she may be dying to meet them and they her, having a stable relationship is another matter.

Some friends of mine had a son in college.  And, about every two months, the son brought home a new girl for them to meet.  Of course, every time that he brought one home, he was thinking that the relationship was stable when it obviously wasn’t.

Since the parents were frustrated with trying to remember the names of all of these woman, they finally told him not to bring anyone home until he had been dating them for four months.  He agreed and it worked out best for all concerned.

I guess this is where I am at.  While I don’t mind introducing her to my family, I hate putting my family through the rigors of learning a new name and face only to have her leave 6 weeks later.

Life was so much simpler when I was married.