I work with a woman who was raised as a strict Catholic.  She married a man who was also raised as a strict Catholic.  So, when they got married, they agreed that sex was for procreation only.  This meant that they slept in separate bedrooms and only joined for procreation, which in this case was 4 times in 11 years!  Yikes!!!

Eventually, she divorced her husband.  But, suffice it to say, this woman has some major sexual hangups.

I mention this story to all of my dates early on in our relationship.  If they are shocked, then I am some what relieved.  If they are not, then I am very concerned and wonder if they too have sexual hangups.

Regardless, be sure to check their religious upbringing to make sure that they are somewhat normal.

I read a book the other day entitled “Why We Love” by Helen Fisher.  I was curious about this thing called chemistry.

The book was the result of a lot of scientific research.  These researchers interviewed subjects and analyzed body chemistry to determine what happens when we fall in love and why we behave the way that we do.

Their research concluded that there are 3 major phases to love;  Chemistry, Erotic and Bonding.  And, each of these phases naturally occur in a loving relationship.  I will write about each of these phases in the next few days.

Over the years I have come to know several single women.  And, because I was married when we first met, they were considered friends and nothing more.

But, now that I am single, I thought that it was time to upgrade some of these relationships.  Unfortunately, everyone of them said that they could never think of me as more than a friend.

Now, this surprised me.  After all, we really hit it off as friends so it just seemed to be a natural move to become more involved.  But, women don’t think that way.

I guess it is “once a friend, always a friend.”  So, don’t waste your time trying to date a friend because it won’t happen.

A new question that I face is “how young is too young?”  I say this because I am now dating a 46 year old woman.  This would mean that we have a 14 year age difference.

Now, my mother was 13 years younger than my dad and that marriage seemed to work well.  And, in the end, my dad died 4 months after my mother died so neither had to spend much time alone.

I do have to wonder why a 46 year old woman would be interested in a 60 year old man.  But, I guess time will tell.

On one of my dating websites, they offer a section for announcing your pets.  Now, most people say that they have cats or dogs or horses.  But, one person said that they “will tell you later.”

So what does “I’ll tell you later” mean?  I don’t know but it doesn’t give me good vibes!  I am going to guess that this person has a pet situation that is not socially acceptable.  Maybe this person has 20 cats or a 25 ft. Boa.  But, either way, I am sure that their pets do not meet the norm.  And so, I will pass on her.

The longer that a woman has been single, the harder it is to get her to commit to a relationship.

After being single for awhile, she has adjusted to a singles life style and relishes her independence.  She enjoys making decisions on her own and really doesn’t want to give that up.  In short, she really has no reason to get married.   So, a woman who has been single for only a couple of years is much more likely to get remarried than a woman who has been single for 20 years.

So, when you are dealing with women, who have been single for several years, beware. They may not be interested in a committed relationship.  And you may end up as nothing more than a boy toy.

One of the issues that I have had to deal with is children.  Or more to the point, do I want a woman who still has children at home?  My initial thought is “no.”

Now, it is not that I don’t like children.  I love children.   It is just that they complicate an already complicated situation.  Not only are you having to learn a new life partner, you are also having to address the daily issues that come with children.

And, I don’t know which is worse, older children or younger children.  Certainly younger children are going to garner more attention from your spouse than older children.  And, that is only natural.  But, older children are more likely to be hostile towards the newest member of the family.  Either way, you are viewed as an unwelcome outsider.

Unfortunately, this is not a rule, it is a norm.  So, it is conceivable that you could find a woman with children that will totally accept you as a part of their family. And, it could work out very well. The problem is, finding that accepting family.

And, while women with grown children are not exempt from problems, at least her children are living their life away from home.

But, the bottom line is that it is a tough call.

Well, needless to say, dating is very different for me now.

First of all, I have learned that dating is not just about the other person, it is about me!  Who am I???  What do I like???  What do I want??  I don’t know!  So I date and then decide.

For 37 years, I was the husband of Kathy.  But, now that she is deceased, I am just Ned, I guess.

Who am I?  What do I want?  What do I need?  I don’t know!!!  But, dating will help me figure that out.

Last, but not least, are the middle aged women with no children.

These are the empty nesters who are starting a new life.  And, many of them are very independent.

For many of these women, men are no longer needed.  They have learned to live on their own and many are financially independent.  And, so, they are only interested in a man for an occasional companion and nothing more.

The last things that most of these women are interested in is marriage.  Marriage would mean having another man in the house and learning to live with them.  Plus, marriage would mean giving up half of what they own.  And, they would loose their independence since the man would always be there as a factor in their every decision.  And, the longer that they have been single, the more likely it is that they are not interested in marriage.

So, these women, in general, don’t need a man in their life.  They have everything that they need.  The best that a  man can do with women like these is to offer them something that they don’t have but want.  The trick is to figure out what that might be.

With these women, their motto is “why buy the pig when all you need is a little sausage?”  So, you have to sell them on the importance of having some ribs too.

When  I first started dating, I was of the mind set that I didn’t really want a woman with children at home.  But, I also realized that I was eliminating a whole area of women that might be wonderful to be with.  After all, I love children, particularly those in their teens and 20s.

And while the divorce issues are still ever present, these kids are old enough to make their own decisions about the situation.  Plus, an older woman is more likely to be emotionally mature than a younger one.

On the down side, an older woman is more likely to be set in her ways.  This, of course, makes establishing a marriage much more difficult.

So, the challenge is to fit in with an established mother and children.  And, since they are the family and I am the outsider, I will need to make a whole lot of adjustments and concessions.

Being flexible is the name of this game.