Young women with children are a bit more complicated.  And while they are looking for a provider for them and their children, they have the added  complication of a third party, namely the father of the children.

And with the father of the children comes the issues of child support, custody and visitation.  And, when it doesn’t work, there will be fights and power struggles.

So, if I am lucky, dad will take off and never return.  But, that doesn’t happen very often.  So, I would be in the middle of any battles between her and her ex..

But, if I am looking to raise children, a young woman with children might be the best option for me.

Now that I am a widower, I am once again in the market for a mate.  And, that market could include young women with no children.

As an older man, I am well established.  I can provide financial security, medical insurance, a home and much more.  Plus, I am not likely to be cheating on my wife.

Women, in this age group, are more likely to adjust to a new way of life and be tolerant to change.  But, with this age group, they may move on once they are into their 30 leaving me alone again. So, this could be a problem.

Granted, I am old enough to be her father but if that doesn’t matter to her then it shouldn’t matter to me.

When I was married at age 22, the pool of perspective wives only covered a 5 year age span.  But, I now have a 40 year age span to choose from.

As I see it, there are four basic age groups:  Young with no children, young with young children, middle aged with older children and empty nesters.  And each group has their own needs and issues.

When I was married, all other women were off limits.  But, now that I am a widower, it is a whole different ball game.  And, I am having to make choices that I never dreamed I would be making. So, those 20 somethings are no longer off limits.

Life is good!

When ever you are dealing with someone who is divorced, you have to wonder just how damaged are they?

Now, this may sound crass but it is a reality.  Divorces are not pretty.  Beside the root causes of the divorce, such as the “she beat me up” or “he cheated on me” etc there is the dividing up the property and child custody.  And, all of these can impact the psychological make up of an individual.  And, no matter the root cause of the divorce, it is never, repeat, never a simple divorce!

So, what ever baggage they had in their first marriage, will get carried over into their next marriage, unless they have had some sort of formal counseling.  Unfortunately, most have not.

So, Caveat Emptor.

Why get married again?  This is a question that many older women must ask them selves.

When a woman is young, she is looking for a husband to father her children and provide support for her and them.  In short, a husband/father.

But, as a woman gets older, things change.  She no longer needs a man to give her children.  And, she could very well be financially independent.  So, if there is no need for children and she is financially independence, she no longer needs the committed relationship of a marriage.

After all, marriage means that she has to live with this guy 24X7.  She looses her independence and has to learn his little quirks.  So, she has to work at the relationship at a time when she could just say NO!

In fact, getting married could very well be emotionally and financially detrimental for her.  She stands to loose her independence both financial and lifestyle.  Plus, she will have to go through marital stress and the ultimate pain of a divorce.

So, why would any middle aged woman want to get married again?  That is a question that every middle aged man must ask himself.  And, if you don’t have something major to offer to the relationship, chances are you won’t find anyone to marry.

Whenever I meet a single woman, I have to ask myself  “why she is single?”

Some women that I know have never been married.  They simply are not interested in a commitment like marriage.  So, I guess that they would not be interested in marrying me.  Enough said.

Others are widows.  Widows are nice because their marriage ended do to no fault of their own.  Of course, if their spouse died in his sleep from mysterious causes, that would be a different matter.  But generally, widows, who are still interested in a spouse, are good choices.  After all, they did make their marriage work.

Divorced women are a crap shoot as the reason for the divorce varies vastly.  For some women, their husbands were just not committed to the relationship and left them for another woman.  For others, the woman ran off with another man only to realize their mistake.  And then there are the money issues which are ever looming.  How much debt does she have?  Dare I ask?  Did she, does she have a drinking problem?

Well, the list of possibilities is endless.  But, in the end, you have to decide who is the “Vic” and who is the “Perp” and most of the time, that is not entirely possible.

Good luck and keep your eyes open!!

Finally, eHarmony allows you to send 3 essay questions to your perspective match.  You can choose three canned questions or you can make up three questions of your own.  I personally choose to use my own three questions as they deal with topics that are the most important to me.

The first question that I ask is about their religious beliefs.  Church and religion are a big part of my life.  And while everyone claims to be a “Christian”  the term “Christian” functions that same as “none of the above.”  If you are not a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim or Jew, you must be a Christian.  And, I have found that some of these matches that claim to be Christian have never attended a church in their life.  So, just to be on the safe side, I ask them to tell me about their faith.

The next question that I ask has to do with sex and intimacy.  I know that this may seem a little bold but here is the deal:  I am still sexually active and I expect my wife to also be sexually active.  And while this may seem to be obvious, some women are not interested in sex any more. So, just to be sure that we are both on the same page regarding sex, I will ask.

Finally, I ask about what they expect from the relationship. Some women are only interested in a traveling companion.  Some women are only interested in sex and nothing more.  While others are only interested in a domestic servant.  So, I need to ask.  That way, it reduces the potential for disappointment.

Of all of the parts of eHarmony, the Myer Briggs personality profile and the essay questions are the most pertinent.

In part 3 of the eHarmony program, you get to send a list of about a dozen things that you can;t stand in a match and a list of about a dozen things that they must be.  For example, you “can;t stand” someone who has poor personal hygiene but you “must have” someone who is polite.

Again, as with the five questions, these too are subjective. Does a person with poor personal hygiene know that they have poor personal hygiene?  And does a rude person perceive themselves as rude?  These are questions that can’t really be answered until you actually get to know the person.

So, at best, these questions only help you to think about what you are looking for in a person.  Once you meet the person, you can determine whether or not they meet your standards.

The next part of eHarmony involves 55 multiple choice questions. You get to pick 5 and send them on to the perspective match to answer.  And while some of them are worth while, most are not.

Here are the questions that I always get asked:  Q. Romantic night out?  A. Candle lite restaurant. Q. Vacation location?  A. Cottage on the shore.  Q. Home alone activity?  A. Reading.  Q.  Night out activity?  A. The movies. Q. An adventurous activity?  A. White water rafting.

Of course, some of the questions are pointless such as “how often do I get mad” and “how clean of a house do I have.”  I say that these questions are meaningless because they are strictly subjective.  Define “mad” and “clean”.  Even if someone gets mad several times an hour, they will say that they seldom get mad.  And, every house will be spotless regardless of the filth.  So, I avoid asking these questions.

55 questions, yet I always get asked the same 5.  Interesting but I am not sure of their value.

For those who have never done eHarmony, here is how it works:

First you fill out the 250+questions about your self, which others do not get to see.  (meyer briggs)  Then, you fill out the personal profile which covers the things about you; the things that you like and the thing that you can’t stand.

Then you are asked what is the most important person in your life?  Followed by the three thing that you are most thankful for in your life.  After that, you are asked to list the 5 things that you can’t live without.  And then, books, movies etc.

While it may seem straight forward, it doesn’t work that way.  Most can’t seem to limit it to one person.  So, they include Mother Teresa, Gandhi, all of the living president and some of the dead ones.

And, the 5 things that they can’t live without are chocolate, diet Coke, coffee, cell phones and Email.  Well OK, nothing shallow here!