“I hate cats!”  That is how one  woman started her email to me.  Well, I am a cat lover but I can’t say that I hate any animal.   I am basically an animal lover.  So, when some one tells me that they hate cats, I am thinking that this person is very ridged and controlling.

I decided to pass on her.

I recently received an email from a woman who was either drunk or a very poor writer.  And, I really think that she was drunk.

Her email was disjointed and at times made no sense at all. Either way, I decided to let this one pass.

The other day, one of my dating web sites matched me with a woman from west Michigan.  Since she was close and seemed interesting, I thought that I would send her an email expressing my interest.

But, before I started to write, I checked her profile for points of commonality.  Well, her profile was one long whiny tirade about how men always view her profile but never bother to check her out in person.

Despite her “whine”, I decided to write to her anyway.  After all, I was some what interested in her.  And, I wanted to prove her wrong.

But, then I got to thinking, What if I take her out and I don’t like her.  Will she be worse off than if I hadn’t taken her out?  I mean would I be building false expectations?  And, since she had provided very little information about herself, I was having a hard time deciding if we had any commonality.

I finally decided that her “sour attitude” would probably carry over into any relationship and may have been the reason for her divorce in the first place.

I passed on writing her because I didn’t want to feel guilty should I decide that she is not the one for me.

I would suggest that the first thing that you need to do is to make a list of traits that are “non-negotiable.  These are your “musts and can’ts”.   For example, if you absolutely positively can’t stand someone who smokes, then smoking is a non-negotiable “can’t”.  Likewise, if you want your partner to share a particular interest with you such as church attendance, then this is a “must.”

These “musts” and “can’ts” are the show stoppers.  Without meeting these conditions, the relationship can’t go forward.

Make the list and then wait several days.  Then review it and see if you still agree with the list.  Once you have settled on the list, DON’T COMPROMISE.  After all, these traits made the list for a reason.  Don’t throw that reason out just because you met someone who does not comply with the list.

After you have gone out for the first time, there should be some sort of after date communications.  If you asked the woman out for the date and paid for it, you should receive some sort of communications from her thanking you for the evening.  If you don’t, then it is safe to assume that she is not interested in dating any further.  But, when in doubt, if you don’t hear from her after a few days, you can always drop her a line just to be on the safe side.  After all, circumstances do come up from time to time.  Then, if you don’t hear from her, you can assume that you are done.  Cut your losses and move on.

How soon do you introduce your date to your family and friends?  That is a question that has vexed daters for many years.  While you don’t really want to hide your date from your family and friends or vice versa, you also don’t want to proclaim  that you are a couple until you are really sure.

If you introduce them too soon, you only create confusion all the way around.  Your family and friend assume that you are a couple and so does you date.  Then, if it doesn’t work out, you are left explaining this to everyone.

The longer that I live alone, the more I get adjusted to it.  At first, I was afraid to eat by my self in a restaurant.  But now, I am fine with it.  Tomorrow, I am going to attend Art Prize by my self.  And, I will be fine. In the future, I will probably attend movies and concerts as a solo act.  And, I will be fine with that also.  The longer that I live alone, the easier that it becomes.

One of the most difficult issues to figure out in a relationship is whether there are any sexual hangups.  I mean, unless you are in a totally Platonic relationship and plan to keep it that way, sex will be looming on the horizon.  The problem arises if only one of you are interested in that horizon.

The best approach to this issue is to talk about it.  So, early on in the dating process, I mention that I am a hot and passionate lover and that I expect to be intimate with my partner on a regular basis.

This approach helps to screen out those who are only looking for a traveling companion.  But, it is only a start.  There are many more sexual hangups that could exist.  So, the important thing is to open a channel of communications between the two of you and make sure that your partner feels safe to discuss sexual issues with you.

The other day, I dated a woman who was very nice except for the fact that she had a low self-esteem.  She was not a happy woman.  Instead, she was very negative and depressing to be around.  I thought that maybe in time, she would get better.  But, deep in my heart I knew that she probably wouldn’t.

I decided to pass on her.