When you first start to date someone, they are neither a friend nor a lover.  But, as time goes on, they will need to become both.

Sometimes it is first a friend and then a lover.  And other times it is a lover and then a friend.  Regardless of the order, both need to happen for a successful relationship.

If you are only lovers and not friends, then the relationship is merely one of carnal pleasure and self gratification.  Likewise, if you are “buds” but nothing more, then your relationship will never develop into something more meaningful and intimate.

In both of these scenarios, time is of the essence.  The longer that you spend as only lovers, the greater the likelihood that you will never become friends.  After all, as time goes on, you learn to only think of the other person in terms of your sexual needs.

Likewise, the longer you spend as friends, the greater the likelihood that you will never become lovers.   At a certain point in time, you will stop thinking of that person as a potential lover and only think of them as a friend.  When that happens, the thought of making love to them will just seem, well, perverted.

In short, relationships have to keep moving forward.  If they don’t, they will deteriorate.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, dating was much simpler.  If you were attracted to someone and they to you, then the two you dated.  And, if you both loved Nine Inch Nails, then, you had a point of commonality.  At least it was a focal point for building a relationship.

When you were young, not only were you discovering things about your spouse, you were also discovering things about who you are.  So, you learned about each other together.

But, when you get into your sixties, you have already learned a lot about who you are and what you need in a relationship.  And while attraction and commonality are still good, life has taught you that a relationship needs much more than an interest in Nine Inch Nails.

I am amazed at the number of women that I have the Hots for.  Yet, most of them I could not live with.  Go figure.  I guess Mother Nature just wants me to breed them and then leave.

Whenever two people are together, there is bound to be a certain amount of criticism that occurs.  Most often, that criticism is directed at improvement.  But, some times, criticism is an effort to discredit the other individual with the intent of dumping them.

So, be sensitive to criticism.  Is it constructive or malicious?

One test of a relationship is traveling together.  When you travel together, you really get to know the other person, for better or for worse.  So, it is better to travel together and learn about each other than to get married and find out the hard way.

It would be nice if your mate shared your tastes.  And to an extent, that is important.  But, if your tastes are on the extreme, that might not be possible.

For example, you both might like listening to rock music.  But, your mate may not share your enthusiasm for “The Mud Puppies”.  So, it is not that your mate doesn’t like rock music.  Rather, it is that your rock music taste is extreme.

So, when you compare tastes, take into consideration whether your taste is on the fringe.

We all have conflicts with our schedules.  That is just a part of life.  But, you need to be concerned when the schedule of your SO takes precedence over your relationship.   In short, what has priority; you or the schedule?  Are you important or just a pleasant diversion?

In the past, I had considered giving my SO a key to my house.  After all, that was something that you did to move the relationship forward.  But, since the relationships had deteriorated before I could give out my house key, I am much more cautious.

I am still not sure when to give your SO a key to your house but it should be longer than what you see on Seinfeld.

It is always a good sign when your SO makes a point in leaving things behind.  Such items include, but are not limited to, hygiene products, clothing, food and beverages.  This implies that they are feeling secure in the relationship and are establishing a presence at your house.  And, this should be encouraged it you are really interested in the relationship.

While you may have an opinion about your SOs family, your SO may have an opinion about your family, the question is whether you and your SO can tolerate each others families.

Like it or not, families are a fact of life.